Fran’s Rant: Sarcasm

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sarcasmPeople either love me or hate me. There’s no gray area. I’m from the northeast, I say it like it is, and I think my sarcasm is funny. But some folks thinks it rude or obnoxious. Like the dentist that kicked me outta his chair when I said: “You wanna introduce yourself to me before you stick your hands in my mouth?” Or the telemarketer that called me back to tell me she would pray for me. Now that’s funny – she actually got me off a ladder – twice! Two of my favorite people are Joe Pesce and George Carlin (go figure) and I guess people either love or hate them too. But if either of those guys made that same statement to the dentist he would’ve laughed at them – right? And the telemarketer? Well… I have nothing nice to say about telemarketers. They lie. Do you love when they act like they know you? “Hi Fran, it’s Jerry calling to alert you about your utility bill going up.” Or when they try to make small talk when you’re juggling umpteen things at once. On those days I keep a police whistle close by. When I have time, I answer very excitedly: “Yes, this is the owner of the business.  I’ve been waiting for your call! What can I buy from you today?” I hate the robotic telemarketers — the Siri of telemarketing. I ask: “Is this a machine?” Short pause while Siri searches for the correct answer. “No I am a real person.” Stop lying to me!!!

Sarcasm

At work, I love greeting all my customers and making quick small talk with many happy people. I met a guy at the Sugar Sand Festival on Clearwater Beach and his nickname was Mookie. He took pictures of our banners and said he was going to tell his friends he wasn’t going back to the frozen northeast and decided to start a business in Clearwater. So I armed him with business cards and brochures to back his story. That was a good day. But some days people walk up to our tent because they smell the popcorn cooking, hear the bowls clanging, see our cook stirring a big, hot kettle with popcorn flying out of it and they actually ask me: “Was this made today?” You’d be shocked at how many time this happens and how many responses we’ve come up with.

1. Yes it was.

2. No, it was made on Tuesday.  I just keep this crew around for the sound effects.

3. Are you kidding me?!? No popcorn for you! NEXT.

SarcasmNow, the first response would be the most tactful but tact is not one of my strong points. In fact, my mother always asked me; “Why can’t you be more tactful?” Well, growing up in an Italian household in Philadelphia, where any of my uncles could’ve been Joe Pesce, I learned sarcasm because no one ever taught me tact. Everyone I knew was sarcastic (except my mother). My dad, my uncles, my friends, even the nuns! Yes, I went to 12 years of Catholic school. That explains a lot.

School sarcasm
Are you going to join us Miss Sindoni? Or are you just going to stand there holding that wall up?

Breakfast sarcasm
“Dad, how’s the coffee?”
“It’s hotel coffee.”
I grew up thinking hotels had the worse coffee in the world then I stayed at a fine hotel and had an incredible cup of coffee and I realized the state of denial my dad lived in about his coffee which was best described as hot mud.

Sarcasm at the Jersey Shore
“You been swimming?”
“No, I just strolled over from Europe.”

Advanced sarcasmSometimes, when I fake a real sweet voice, people DO think I’m being polite. “No. That popcorn was made on Tuesday but try this bag — it’s nice and hot.”

When I feel my blood pressure boil when a telemarketing calls, I realize that being tactful or polite might be more healthy than being sarcastic. But could I possibly change at this late stage of the game? Many people think I’m rude and perhaps I am. Polite people don’t blurt out anything that comes to mind – they use a filter. My filter must be clogged.

Mookie's Kettle O' Korn

Mookie’s Kettle O’ Korn

To my friends, my customers, my employees and even my doctors, I say: “I’m Sicilian, I’m from the Northeast, and I’m sarcastic. I am who I am so deal with it – or not.” We can’t expect to like everyone we meet. That’s why there’s so many of us. I found another dentist that appreciates my humor and I’m always meeting new people to be my friends, customers and employees.

In any event, if you ask if my hot popcorn was made today — expect something sarcastic in return. OR you can avoid all sarcasm and order our Kettle O Korn online. It’s only $20 with free shipping all summer long. And YES, it was made today!

 

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9 Responses to Fran’s Rant: Sarcasm

  1. phyllis montali June 30, 2014 at 2:37 pm #

    Fran,

    You are awesome! I love you. This email had me laughing to tears. I too am Italian, 100%, with 12 years of Catholic school. I’m from Cleveland, not the northeast, but close enough. So I get your sense of humor and LOVE your sarcasm. That’s what I grew up with too.

    It’s refreshing:-) Thanks for the laugh, we all need a good laugh on a daily basis.

    BTW……..Your Kettle Korn is the best anywhere, with or without a sarcastic remark:-)
    Keep it coming!

    • Fran Wilson
      Fran Wilson June 30, 2014 at 2:41 pm #

      Thanks Phyllis. Now I know you like your popcorn with EXTRA sarcasm! Thanks for the comments.

  2. Pat Zagers July 1, 2014 at 9:38 am #

    Well, Fran, I am one of those people who LOVE you! You know my background… We could be sisters… You have a real entertaining talent with words! I hope you are going to save all these “rants” and publish them in a book one day…..I would buy it and so would many others! Keep up the rants, Fran! You are the best! And so is your popcorn!!!

  3. Anita July 1, 2014 at 10:31 pm #

    What is it with dentists? My husband got thrown out as well when he asked too many good questions. All he wanted to know was if the color of the bonded tooth would match the rest and what would happen if it didn’t match.

    REALLY?..is that too much to ask? Sorry, follow up questions not allowed here. How arrogant to think that we should shut up and open up at the same time. The dentist tried to hide behind his office mgr and have her field the questions but she couldn’t handle it and neither could the dentist.

    NO POPCORN FOR HIM…lol

  4. John Redd July 2, 2014 at 11:31 am #

    LOve it!

  5. Jenni October 25, 2014 at 2:40 pm #

    Hehe! Love your blog posts

    We tried your Kettle Corn when we were in Florida last year and LOVED IT. Have been craving it ever since. I know I can order it online I just haven’t yet but I WILL. went back to the same place but you were not there. Tried someone else’s kettle corn….got sad! No where near as good. SERIOUSLY!!

    • Fran Wilson
      Fran Wilson October 26, 2014 at 11:14 am #

      Thanks Jenni – glad you like it. We were away from the Mustang Flea Market for a few months this summer but we’re back now. Every Saturday and Sunday morning until 1:00. Hope to see you again.

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